Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Yard Sale

I'd like to thank all the people who have left messages of condolence and comfort regarding the difficulty my wife is having with the death of her mother. I'm keeping your ideas in mind while talking with her. One thing that I think you might be missing is that my wife is in her 50's and her mother was 88. We aren't talking about someone who died prematurely.

Since my mother-in-law passed away we've been putting off the difficult job of cleaning out her apartment. This week we started in on the job. We bought a duplex for her over 20 years ago and though she wasn't really a packrat there is just a ton of stuff to go through. We had brought most of the personal stuff to our house and now are planning a yard sale for the 4th of March to dispose of the furniture, appliances & knick-knacks. It is emotionally tough because every now and then my wife is overcome by the memories associated with something. Still, as the apartment is cleaned out it becomes more anonymous; therefore easier to handle.

In the rest of life, things go on. Went to a birthday party for two of my wife's uncles: one just turned 67 and the other is almost to 70. Parties like that make even a guy my age feel young. Well, younger! It makes me want to go out and have fun though because I sure don't know what the future holds. Took various dishes for the potluck dinner but my special contribution was beef jerky. I get the leanest cut of meat I can find, usually round steak. Slice it very thin; like 1/8th an inch. Marinate overnight in soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, onion powder, garlic powder, liquid smoke & red pepper flakes. Then dry it in a dehydrator. I like to grind some black pepper over the meat when I start the dehydrator for a little extra heat. It is a pain in the ass but not at all difficult and I couldn't keep up with the demand if I tried!

Have a good one everyone!

Update: Wife is over at the Hospice office talking to the 'social worker' about her mom. I hope this woman can help her and, if not, suggest other assistance that we might pursue.


Helene said...

I think you are great for blogging about your wifes challenges and being open to her pain.

One other thought I had was that with my Moms stuff it was so terribly difficult to get rid of things. My spouse did a lot of the elimination after I sorted. I just couldnt bare to dispose of the last things I may ever have of hers.

I liked the comments to the Tony Robbins list too... and I agree that 17 should have been listed higher...

Don said...

Thanks, Kate. I offered to remove things after my wife had sorted but she wants to be involved in every step. She's the boss here so that's what we are doing. I'm sure it is different for everyone.

Lee said...

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules. Learn to judge when hugs are needed and when space is needed and always have the kettle near the boil.

People talk about closure a lot; I'm not convinced it exists or is even a good thing. Acceptance is useful, but for ever and a day things, smells and even phrases will bring memories flooding back. That's how we are.